People ask me all the time “Are you and your husband for real? Because if you are, I want that too!”

If it is defined as: a relationship where two people respect each other, wake up every day wondering how they can makes each other’s life better and more fulfilling, and punctuated by a definition of love not for the faint of heart; “I want what you want for yourself” then I say, “yes, it’s for real.” The caveat being, how we got to have it involved some critical elements. One of which was and remains for us both: A safe place to feel and be real all the way out loud!

Here’s the deal. When I was in between relationships and doing some heavy soul searching I decided “No more of this being who you want me to be, trying to get you to love me, bending myself into a pretzel to be graced with your love and then eventually being so jaded I couldn’t care less.” That’s when I knew I was in trouble, when I actually stopped caring.

At that very low point in my life I realized that whoever I was with from that moment on I wanted to be able to tell the TRUTH about EVERYTHING and anything all the way out loud. My past, my finances, my judgments, my fears, my dreams, my desires, how big I really was and my strongest opinions (however misguided) and more! And I decided whoever this man was would LOVE this about me. No more black eyes because I was taking too much attention or threatening my beloved, no more police reports because someone was jealous or trying to control me or because I had such low self-esteem that I tried to be what he wanted me to be (just a snapshot; buy the book, Skinny, Tan and Rich, Unveiling the Myth). My mother warned me against this “telling the truth” idea I had; she said that men don’t want to know the truth. All the while my father was cheating on her and the next wife and the next, it seemed his romantic life was built on contrary principles which makes me wonder why my own mother was not skilled to interview better, but then, hey, I wouldn’t have the privilege of being here! The truth is, she didn’t want to hear the truth. I, however, DID. I love you, Mom. Right. Okay moving on, this is a blog not a novel so let’s get to it.

I made this decision to tell the truth, which immediately I knew in every fiber of my being was the right choice and the best path, but trying it out was a bit rough at first. I noticed some resistance and a few people out-and-out just ditched me. Ouch!! I guess I needed to add some compassion to my delivery. I did and things went altogether more smoothly. I felt better about me and I noticed an exponential sense of self-esteem. The difference was, that now I was unafraid to lose anyone and most interested in being true to myself. Yes, I did care if someone disapproved, disagreed, or left altogether, but the grand prize alas was NOT THE MAN. THE PRIZE was me and my self respect!! At last. Which by the way was the wedding song my husband and I chose by Etta James~ Double entendres I LOVE THEM!!!

Okay, at first this telling the truth all the time wasn’t easy, and just so you know most people already considered me brutally honest and scary, so this turning up the volume so my insides finally matched my outsides was, needless to say, courageous—and well made me think perhaps I might have grown actual testicles. JK. Love the visual. I guess not. Kinda gross. Moving on. I was so determined to be in relationship with full disclosure so I could be free—free of shame, self doubt, insecurity and judgment—that when I met my husband to be, while we were in the “just friends” stage, I introduced what I called the Sacred Council of WE™, The Sacred Circle™ that you energetically create that can hold whatever truth you put in it. Its only purpose is to evolve that truth to its highest form, the participants’ only job is to try and help achieve that together. (For more info check out my new DVD series, “Great Relationships Begin Within,” and I am offering a free teleseminar in a couple weeks.) This involved a rigorous practice of self inquiry and being honest among all things with myself first; required training for us both. The ability to make the distinction between my ego self and my authentic self, a belief in God or the divine, some power greater than ourselves, respect and a commitment to STAY in the relationship regardless of what content came up was offered into the circle. Essentially the tools we both needed to hold space for real truth telling was the six tools that I teach and that are in my new book Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, available NOW at www.maryannelive.com and www.amazon.com

So, seven years later, I can say that this one master tool has been part of the bedrock that supports our “it” factor. And yes, we still got it. How about you!?? Love to help. www.maryannelive.com send me your questions~

April 8, 2009