Healthy M&Ms?

Top 5 male mating myths

v     All the good ones are taken

v     A man’s penis has a mind of its own

v     All men only want one thing

v     Men are dogs

v     Good guys are boring

v     All the good ones are taken

Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me. Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat. Remember, water seeks its own level—like attracts like! OUCH, I know, that stings, and sucks to be with. You may want to consider that perhaps your belief that there are no great ones available is simply a clever way to avoid looking at who you are being and why you attract the kind of men you do. Man up, ladies and take a good look in the mirror. You may not like what you see, but know this—until you do, in the long run, neither will anyone else!

v     A man’s penis has a mind of its own

Really. This may be the world’s oldest excuse for men behaving badly. Want proof? Set up an interview with one (a penis, that is). I think you’ll find your subject disappointing, aside from one rather impressive calisthenic move. Bring a tape recorder in case you’re the one person in history that will get one to talk instead of drool. Be reminded, ladies, of the definition of mind: That which is responsible for one’s thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason.” Should any man want to argue that his penis is the seat of his faculty of reason, RUN!

What’s fake about you?

Someone once (or twice) said, know thyself. Let’s see; the Oracle of Delphi, Jesus, well, heck, about everybody worth mentioning has some twist on it. Why? Most of us who have been in therapy, read numerous self-help books, etc., are left being mostly acutely aware of what is wrong with us and eventually head back to the barn (what’s familiar). There is only so much we can take. And those of us who hang in there still complain of the loneliness and austere life it seems the road less traveled requires. “To Hell with it!” we say, “Life is short and I need a reward for all this vigilance and self-examination, arrgh…pass the Kool-Aid.” So, we continue the search, now seeking elsewhere for guidance, and perhaps decide Popeye was right, “I am what I am” and get on with life.

If knowing the truth and ourselves is that much trouble, I can’t be bothered: I have bills to pay, mountains to climb, kids to feed, men to seduce (who will hopefully rescue me from it all), women to charm (who will hopefully distract me from my failures), pounds to lose,

Naughty or nice, presence or presents?

Why can’t we have both?

Here’s an email I got recently:

“I wanted to thank you also for your story about "presence" that you

 told at your talk recently at Open Secret Book Store in San Rafael. I had an important experience of that this weekend. I have been contemplating dating a man I met recently who is a financially successful lobbyist, and we have many other interests aside from politics. The wining and dining is great, but when we're together, it is odd: he is always distracted by his cell, a meeting, not enough time, etc.

This weekend, another man, a very old friend, came to town...we've known each other 35 years (college). He came to my studio and asked about my work, and he was incredibly "present" with me. And you are right, it was a total and complete turn-on. Whoa!

 The next day, I had dinner with the other man (the lobbyist)

Can your friends or lovers be holding you back?

I can remember getting what for me was my first big break in my budding media career. I squealed with delight when the producer called from a popular syndicated radio show asking to interview me. My heart pounded, my mouth went dry ~ I had worked so hard and now it seemed things were about to unfold. I was ecstatic.

After I enthusiastically accepted the invitation, naturally I couldn’t wait to tell the three people closest to me (okay, and a few strangers along the way, I couldn’t contain myself). The funny thing was, the one person I thought would be the happiest for me was anything but. Upset by his confusing affect, I pressed the matter. “Aren’t you happy for me? This is what I have worked so hard for, to get the message out there, but you seem upset?” He looked at me and unexpectedly said, “Now what, you’re going to be some big star and have to start traveling. I don’t want to be with someone who …” He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t have to, as it turned out; his attitude towards me and my being successful was a major culprit in ending our relationship a few painful years and many missed opportunities later. Opportunities that I passed up, afraid he would leave me if I didn’t. 

Sustainable relationships

When you think about sustainability, what comes to mind—global warming, going green, doing your part to lessen your carbon footprint? How about relationships? We should compost old relationships and only get involved with organic people? Not exactly, no. Although the concept is intriguing, this would be implausible for most of us, given our cultural proclivity towards big “relationship footprints.”

If you have had a few relationships you know what I mean, especially ones that have been a source of pain or suffering to some degree. (Some of which have compelled you to dispose of them by almost any means, organic or not.) But what of the ones you wish to keep, nurture and grow rather than watch die prematurely or unexpectedly?

Got friends?

My mother told me I was lucky if I could count all my real friends on one hand!

Must have been fifteen or so years ago now, when it occurred to me after a string of disappointing intimate relationships that maybe she was right—again. That it might be wise to invest more time in creating some deep and lasting friendships, as they theoretically seemed to have greater staying power and could be in many ways equally fulfilling, perhaps in some ways even more.

I feel the need in speed~

The folks at Radaronline (part of National Enquirer, The Star, The Globe and Shape magazines) asked me what I thought were the downsides of Khloe Kardashian’s impending marriage to Lamar Odom this weekend. I replied, “You mean aside from the obvious, that they have only known each other three weeks?!”

Here’s the deal; the facts are in. At least 50% of marriages don’t make it—which, if you’re a gambler, is slightly better than a crap shoot. And it would seem obvious to many people that marrying someone you have only known a few weeks would increase your odds of failure…among other things. So perhaps a better question to ask is not what are the downsides, but rather…why? Why get married? So you can have a party? Show up your sister on TV because you are profoundly insecure or desperate for ratings? What’s the rush? It’s not like love has a shelf life. Unless one is deeply religious, which is not evident in this case (correct me if I am wrong; I don’t think so), there are so few reasons to rush into nuptials before we have taken time to do a minimum of due diligence.