Dirt: Part II of III

Let me ask you this; why are you single right now? Is it because you are enjoying your time as a single person and don’t desire to be in a partnership, or perhaps you’re having fun enjoying all the delights of being on the prowl? OR are you single because you just broke it off with someone who broke your heart or betrayed you, just finished a painful divorce, are a single parent and don’t want to be, or simply feeling lonely and longing to be in relationship? Whatever the truth, the answer to this question is no small matter, and is of great ultimate consequence primarily because why you start the process of attracting and creating a healthy relationship is maybe even more important than how. It’s definitely where most of us go wrong when we first meet someone we are attracted to.

If it isn’t obvious, let me spell it out: If we feel great about who we are, our current circumstances and relationship status, the odds of attracting a great mate or partner are exponentially higher than if we are still wounded, contracted, have unfinished business, or are feeling insecure and needy! If we start a relationship from a place of feeling deficient, we more often than not start off by worrying more about what another will think of us and trying to negotiate and navigate selling ourselves to them, trying not to do anything that would/could/might/just maybe in any way shape or form interfere with what feels like the fragile chemistry that exists between two people who have just met. As opposed to seeing who they are; “I know what I am bringing to the party, whatchu got?”

If you are starting out with any fantasy, especially a “Rescue me!” fantasy, a “You complete me” attitude, or the idea that someone is going to sweep you away and make everything okay, I urge you to reconsider jumping into the relationship. While we all feel a little vulnerable on first meeting someone, when we throw in unhealed wounds, low self-esteem, and some neurosis, we are really setting ourselves up to fail—never mind not bringing our “A game” to the table, which your prospective partner deserves!

So, let’s say you are ready; your past is in check, you’re in a great relationship with yourself and are now sincerely looking to find that special someone to share your life with!

Bachelor 4: Ivan Herrera

Monday, August 30th, 7-8pm PDT

Question 1)  Name:  Ivan Herrera

Question 2) Age: 45

Question 3) Profession: Sales, Marketing & Business Development

Question 4) Passion: Music

Question 5) Where you live: Oakland Hills

Question 6) What you like:

Dirt: Part I of III

Bachelor Number 3: Rico Provasoli

Name: Rico Provasoli

Age: 62

Profession: Retired Chiropractor, author, lecturer and entertainer

Passion: Zen and the art of paying attention.

Where you live: San Rafael, CA

What you like:

Poem by John Masefield:

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,

And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,

And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,

And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;

And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,

And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,

To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;

And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,

And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

What you are looking for in a woman:

Maryanne shares her answers to some of the questions readers and listeners send. Want your question answered? Email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it !

NO, nope, uhuh, I don’t think so, uh …bzzzzt!

“NO” is one of those words that most women have difficulty uttering for fear we will not be liked or loved, and that men think means “not right now,” as the former is not generally tolerable. Yet sometimes it is the very word that is a door between us and what we really want. Think about it for a minute, and you will see that had you embraced our shadow-laden friend you might have avoided some unnecessary discomfort, even pain and suffering, if you had just sucked it up and let yourself feel uncomfortable/bad/rejected/hurt/lost, or whatever the case may have been. You would have likely been better off turning left, as my mother used to say. She’d tell me, “When you run into a wall (or a NO), Missy, turn left.” It has been some of the best advice, when I chose to take it. Honestly, I have avoided much suffering as a result. Mostly because when you seek the empty space life flows, and then happiness, joy and peace follow!

Practically speaking, NO is the sound that your body makes when it contracts, and it’s a natural reflex. It’s when we override this inner wisdom that we get into trouble. Try this, just for today: Notice when you feel contracted what comes to mind, and conversely when you feel open. It’s your body’s brilliant inner Nav system trying to help you steer through life and towards what it is your heart desires! Happy trails…

Evans asks,

“My ex girlfriend says she likes me, but she doesn’t want a boyfriend or a commitment right now. We began kissing and holding hands 2 weeks after the breakup

Freedom through commitment?

David and I were on the approach to The Golden Gate Bridge when I had a “feeling” to check my cell. Sure enough, four calls within minutes, evidence someone was urgently trying to reach me. Validation that my intuition (i.e. that feeling) was working—oh, I just love that part! The part I don’t always LOVE is what’s actually “up.” Which, in this instance, was cause (or opportunity) to do an abrupt about-face and radically shift our plans, literally changing direction…with, I might add, nary a hiccup, hitch or grrrr.

That’s what this blog is about: how our commitment to our practice of connecting to our inner guidance and wisdom, which David and I affectionately refer to as our “self-inquiry” practice, offers us the opportunity for real freedom. This might sound ridiculous or even confusing—freedom through commitment, yeah, right? Thirty years ago I might have agreed: I was simply not a fan of doing anything (except breathe in and out) for long periods of time, which in large part is what commitment implied to me. I suppose I was lucky that breathing is autonomic.

Many of us have a strong response to the concept of commitment. For some of us it’s full-on reaction: you just say the word and its YIKES, fight or flight, our heart pounds, our throats close up, the future evaporates, you can even hear the jail cell door slamming shhhhhrrrrgggg as the panic sets in. Not to fear, my liebchens (German word for dears), I am here as the bearer of good news. It absolutely doesn’t have to be like that…listen and you’ll see.

There we were, careening down the freeway, bags packed (this alone was enough to piss anyone off, given the time it takes to pack for even an overnight trip if you’re me),

Shameless self-promotion!

Let’s hear it for shameless self-promotion! Or, why so many women are afraid to self-promote

Are you a history buff? No? Me, either, but I will never forget Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons. (Not that we need a scapegoat to blame for our present social impropriety, although the seventeenth-century French could easily fit the bill.) The scene is still stuck in my mind where her life of privilege and power climaxes in ruins because she dared to ~ what? Manipulate people to suit her purposes, avenge herself (jilted by the man she loved, who used her and tossed her aside for a younger version), seek revenge, relish the feeling of power, and revel in her own self-centeredness. Gosh, this reminds me of something… what is that…I know…MEN.